My Pastor Says I Can not Marry Because I Had Three Abortions – Sandra

“My name is Sandra and I am from d eastern part this is my story. I was raped when I was 14 and it affected me so much that throughout my secondary education I never had any male friends and talking to a boy then was a problem.
It continue till I finished my secondary skool n luckily for me I gained admission into one of the university in the eastern part and there my problem continued again.

After 5yrs of my encounter, I fell in love wit this guy in same school with me same level bt different faculty, at first it was so beautiful loving him but at a point it went sour cause he started beating me whenever he is angry n at most times will force himself on me after beatings.

I would cry and say I will never forgive him atmost time I will call it quit but when he asks for forgiveness I will stupidly forgive him, most times I wonder if I am under a charm or what?. That’s not where it stopped, I became pregnant, I told him and he said he is not ready to be a father that I shud abort it which I agreed.

I aborted it and it affected me academically cause I did it after my 1st semester yr 2 exams, I cried and ask God 2 forgive and told him that I don’t want the relationship again and he pleaded with me that infact no more sex I agree and believed in him but it was all a lie cause right now I’ve done the 3rd abortion and yet still in love with him even afta ma pastor told me that I dont have a future with him and that he will destroy me and my future and leave me for another girl.

Please I need help cause I am running mad, this whole thing is affecting me badly both academically and emotionally.

“What should I do? Because some part of me still want to be with this guy but life and future is a stake – ” Sandra.