15. If you work in a company for 10 years, without promotion or raise in salary.
14. When you fail BOTH maths and english in WAEC.
13. If you slap a military man.
12. If your car spends more time at the mechanic than on the road.
11. If you are an ARSENAL fan.
10. When you are posted to maiduguri for NYSC.
9. When you are stuck in an elevator with a Boko Haram sucide bomber.
8. When you mistaken super glue for eye drops.
7. If a world class photographer takes a photo of you, edits it 20 times and you still look FUGLY
6. When you upchuck pounded yam and egusi in church during a 3 day fasting and prayer session.
5. You sign as a defender for an European club and your first task is to mark Lionel Messi.
4. When you beat up a military man’s ONLY child.
3. When a rat eats ONLY your name out of all your original documents.
2. When your ONLY child, born after years of miscarraiges, joins the Nigerian Police force.
1. And the NumBAAH WAN sign to know forces are following you from yah villages is: You are a christian, and disguise yourself as muslim in the midst of Boko Haram, and your cell-phone goes off during muslim prayer time, with a “LET SAMBADI SAUT HALLELUYAH!!!” ringtone
Story by Bola Dauda